Police Decide To Strategically Occupy Moral Low Ground

Hundreds have been arrested on US campuses during demonstrations for Gaza this week, as police continue to get the better of protestors by strategically occupying the moral low ground. “Our work is about out-manoeuvring your opponent,” said a spokesperson for the Georgia State Troopers, who arrested dozens of staff and students this week, “and an important part of that is abandoning your own conscience or humane discretion.” 

This decision is backed by neurological evidence of changes in the brain that occur while occupying the moral low ground. As Dr Emily Borelli explains, “MRI scans show us that once you take the moral low ground, you lose functioning in the part of your brain that’s usually receptive to any pleading. The same thing goes for any appeals to your higher ethical sensibilities. That way nothing can stop you from getting a thrill out of dominating another human being.” The trooper told us that this is essential for the work they’ve been doing on campus.

At press time, the police insisted that they find comfort in the fact that history will definitely not absolve them, so they have nothing to lose anymore.