Rwanda Flights More Humane Than Initial Giant Cartoon Slingshot Idea

Rishi Sunak stated yesterday that the plan to fly migrants to Rwanda is hardly a human rights violation compared to the initial idea of using a giant cartoon slingshot. “The Rwanda bill is a relative win for migrant rights,” Sunak commented, “even if it technically does contravene the European Convention on Human Rights in absolute terms.”

The Rwanda bill is, therefore, a move in the right direction for the incumbent government’s otherwise disturbing disregard for human well being. No one can deny that a giant Angry-Birds-type slingshot for human refugees would be inhumane, and it’s reassuring that we live under a government that is self-effacing enough to abandon the idea in favour of certain moral ideals.  

The PM went on to hit back at critics of the UK’s treatment of migrants more generally. “Despite hosting less than 5% of the refugees seeking asylum in Europe, the UK has been unfairly saddled with a disproportionate responsibility to complain about them,” said Sunak. “The UK is responsible for a staggering 63% of complaints about refugees, far exceeding any other European country, and critics who claim that the UK isn’t doing its fair share for the refugee crisis clearly choose to ignore this fact.” 

At Press time, Sunak insisted that this country has always prioritised human rights, which is why he's fought for the Rwanda Bill over other, even more unconscionable, alternatives.